i couldn't see that far past now, which was then, some time hence lost to me, and to everyone and everything really. Or is it that there exists a portal?

she left. yet, i abandoned the relationship first. as a total errant, there was no reasoning to my navigation, which was definitively drifting.

at school currently, totally online, and i'm enjoying it.

but, life has no meaning,
why become a boddhissatva when all beings are ultimately saved anyhow?
why attain goals when the end is always there, waiting to consume all and nothing?

well, obviously depression has taken in, and maybe it will stay for more than a season this time round. there is much grieving to be done. Though where to begin?